church services of the future?

Category: Joke Board

Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 10:47:04

CHURCH SERVICES IN THE FUTURE

PASTOR : Praise the Lord.
CONGREGATION : Hallelujah!
PASTOR : Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, cellphone, kindle
Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to
download the sermon..
PASTOR : Let us pray, committing this week into God's hands. Open
your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with
God.
PASTOR : Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall
now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi
using the password Lord909887.
Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers.
Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to
computers and laptops at the rear of the church and those who prefer
to use iPads are allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer
telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to
transfer their contributions to the church bank account.
(The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones, iPads,
PCs and laptops beep and flicker!)
[ Announcement ]
SECRETARY :
This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook
group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please don't
miss out. Thursday's bible teachings will be held live on Skype at
1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. You can follow your Pastor on
Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and
have a wonderful week !

Post 2 by Runner229 (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 11:46:40

I wonder how many people will ignore you after that post. Lmfao.

Post 3 by Jack Off Jill (why the hell am I posting in the first place?) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 12:17:22

I actually could smile today? love this! hahaha

Post 4 by bea (I just keep on posting!) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 13:11:19

This may be more true than false. I thought I heard in California you can hear church over a speaker in a drive through setting. We have automatic debits from our checking accounts at our church if that's what you want to do. They take out every month i guess. I don't use it.

Post 5 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 13:33:05

Yeah, I was half tempted to post this under the religion topic even though it is supposed to be a joke just because it could possibly come true.

Post 6 by Smiling Sunshine (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 15:21:45

I really can't imagine anyone finding this offensive, and if they do, they really need to pull the stick out of their butt because it was funny. i can actually see this happening. lol

Post 7 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 18:06:58

I'd be surprised if half of it wasn't already happening in some church around the world.

Post 8 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 28-Jan-2013 23:03:54

I bet if you do a bit of research you'll find internet church. Doesn't some large churches have facebook pages already.
Made me laugh too.

Post 9 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Saturday, 02-Feb-2013 20:45:05

So what about communion? Beer and pizza instead of bread and wine?

Post 10 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 03-Feb-2013 13:45:26

Webcam, group video chat program. Real wine.